To me, change is like hugging a cactus. I don’t find any enjoyment in it, at first. Change means the unknown. And this gal like her ducks in a row and thrives in routine. Why would I want to jump into boiling water then!?!
God has placed so many things in my life to show me that change is good. He had to start me young. I was an extremely shy child where everything frightened me like going to the dentist or talking to people. I loved being home. It was my safe place and I am thankful to my parents who gave me a secure place. This was the precursor to God leading me to Him. He has become my secure place.
My earliest memory of frightening change was in my Kindergarten year. We moved from a very, small town to a larger one where my new school was huge, to a five-year-old anyway. My sister had to come and sit with me in my new class full of strangers. While I don’t remember it, when I was two my family took a trip out west for a vacation. Apparently, I would not have anything to do with my dad. Change. It’s like hugging a cactus. So prickly, itchy and uncomfortable. When we got back home I sat on his lap. Everything is fine now.
High school was the start of good change. I ventured beyond myself and was on the drill team. I was senior class president, which meant I gave the speech at graduation. Then college, marriage and children unfolded in my life. And you know what I have learned through these changes? That God is with me. He hears me and He sees me. I can attest to it. Continue reading.
As I write this, I am filling out my 18th journal. God had me begin journaling in 2001. It’s our love story being recorded. Within every journal, you see what irritates me, scares me and frustrates me along with questioning God on all my whys. I write out my doubts and fears. Do you know what I have discovered? That God is faithful to me! Amidst my writings of despair, I sought truth from His Word. I write out scripture and pray. I sought God with all my being and He revealed Himself to me! He leads me to a place of understanding and clarity. He places me above my circumstances where He gives me strength to move forward, in Him. This seeking is the Windex for your soul. God wipes away your confusion and despair and gives you new sight and hope. He has faithfully used His Windex to heal me and lead me forward.
Marriage has been cactus-style living for both Rob and I. I am ever so thankful for my God. He has taught us how to love unconditionally, how to accept differences and communicate well. We have made it to 30+ years because of God uniting us together. Do we want to jump out of the boiling water and quit? Believe me, it has crossed both our minds. But when you experience the love of God and how committed He is, you keep going.
In May, 2017, my life changed in a big way. “Carol, I am afraid to tell you that it’s breast cancer.” There are no words after that. Three family members have already died from other cancers. It did not take me long to hide. Normally, hiding meant in a corner where I keep things to myself. This time, my hiding was with my journal, pen and Bible. “Lord, I want my kids to see a survivor! My family needs to see a survivor!” My sanity is grounded in Christ. “Simon Peter replied, ‘Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.’ (John 6:68)” He is where I run to, for everything! Big decisions, little decisions, what I’m thinking as well as the words I speak. When I’m busy and when I am not. At work and at play. He is my best friend.
I’ve come to learn to embrace change. While it still unsettles me, I know what to do with it. I hand it over to the Lover of my soul. He has my back. He has never, ever given me any indication that I cannot trust Him. Ever.
I want to encourage you. I hope reading and meditating on Revelations 3 has sparked a fire within your heart. Next, until we meet again, I want you to journal. Writing things down keeps you focused and it diffuses the power of the enemy. Journal in a way that you understand. When you write something down, it’s open knowledge. The enemy’s desire is to keep you closed, hidden and afraid. God wants you to be open with Him. There, you will find freedom and so much more. It’s time for freedom which leads to living united. God loves you and He wants you to sit on His lap where everything is fine now.