Again, God has had to remind me that He hears me. A few months ago, I lost all hope. All I had left was to settle. This is good as it’s going to get. Then March rolled around and God restored my hope back. Right now, I am in awe over my God! The only way to state how I feel is with this, “Wow! 25 years of praying has paid off! God, you have been leading me and listening to me!”
In 22 days, it will be my 31st wedding anniversary. This one will be rather special. Why, may you ask? Because God was able to do what I thought was impossible. The first five years of our marriage were tumultuous, to say the least. I was a young believer who married a non-believer. On top of that, we came into marriage with baggage. We each had three. They were called me, myself and I.
During those first years, God began the sanctification process within me. He was teaching me how to walk with Jesus through His Word. My first mission: love Rob into the faith and love him unconditionally. After our fifth anniversary, God gave us our son. His birth helped Rob to see that God was real. Rob became a believer. A couple years later, we were blessed with our daughter.
We settled into family life and God taught us how to serve each other. In the past 25 years, Rob and I have learned much about life. We grew up.
Living in a foreign land, called Oklahoma, with a new husband, caused me to turn to God for help. I was a northern girl that God had to put in an unfamiliar setting for the next 12 years. God matured my faith walk in the wind swept plains where I fell in love with Jesus.
For the past 18 years we have been in Minnesota. I told Rob that this move was for him and his faith walk. God was going to mature Rob spiritually, like He did with me in Oklahoma. I was hopeful for this transformation but after waiting 18 years, I grew weary and tired. God would continue to move me forward. “Trust me Carol and wait on Me.”
I have to tell you, I had lost all hope that Rob and I were going to meet in the middle. This isn’t a good place to be. When you stop hoping, you stop being thankful. And when you lose your thankfulness, you simply live to exist, to get by. You could say I was in survival mode.
A few months ago in December I came to my end. I wrestled with God. I was mad at God for leading me to love Rob all these years with hope that he would meet me in the middle one day and that may not happen. After the past 8 months of hard-core division between us, and seeing no change, I succumbed to the fact that our marriage was going to stay as is. This was as good as it was going to get. Sigh.
I have prayed, dreamed and hoped that God would bring Rob and I together. I did not see that happening. I knew that God can change hearts. I knew that God wanted Rob and I to come together. But there is this thing called free will where each of us gets to decide if we want to follow God. Rob’s faith walk was out of my control.
In the past couple weeks, Rob changed. God got a hold of him. God gave me a glimpse at the beginning of January that He was working on our behalf. Rob was listening to me more intently. He was hearing me. Recently, I mentioned we should read a devotional together and Rob took the initiative to order us each a book, Marriage God’s Way by Scott Lapierre. He leads us each night and we read sections out loud and discuss it. Rob is owning up to his side of our marriage! We are finally coming together.
Holy cow, Lord, you do hear me! You are bigger than free will! You do have the power to restore relationships! I have to admit, I questioned things and I doubted. And yet, God proved Himself to me, like He has over and over and over again. He is faithful, this God of mine. He can be trusted.
I am humbled once again.
And that, my friends, is who God is and what He is about. He offers us undeniable hope.
Maybe this virus plaguing our world is for a reason. He wants us to see. He wants us to see His faithfulness and His love. He wants us to watch and know, to be still and pray so He can prove to us how big He is! “See, I know what I am doing, now trust me. Don’t give up!” It’s ok that we are in unfamiliar territory. No matter how hard the winds blow, God has us. God walked with me in Oklahoma. He will walk with you during this pandemic.
May I never doubt my God again.