Wrestling In The Waiting

Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD.” I have a feeling I don’t have to ask you if you find waiting to be difficult. It is more than difficult, it is excruciating! Amidst the waiting, God leads us. He promises us that He hears us. Psalm 66:19 says, “But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer.” He sees us. In Genesis 16:13 Hagar says, “You are the God who sees me.” He goes before us. Deuteronomy 1:30 says, “The LORD your God is going ahead of you. He will fight for you, just as you saw Him do in Egypt.”

Knowing that God is always with us and that He defends us makes us hopeful and encouraged. We get excited for what’s about to come. We pray and share our concerns, dreams and desires with Him with anticipation of receiving what He has for us. During this expectant time, God may answer quickly but more times than not, He makes us wait and its here where God teaches us about Himself and ourselves. It is here where choices are made. We come face-to-face with our flesh and we are pulled into battle. Waiting is a time of wrestling, wrestling with God. It is here where faith grows roots. It is here where our character gets chiseled and honed to take on a new identity. It is here where we develop hero-like strength. We become image bearers of our amazing God!

Trees have roots that grow down deep so they can stand up to the weather.
Our faith must grow down deep in God so we can weather life.

God has placed me in times of waiting. I don’t do well, I’m sorry to say. My tempermental mindset quickly takes over. It’s not pretty what goes on inside my brain. Yet, in the arena of waiting is where God has proven Himself to me. It causes me to look up instead of within and I’ve learned that He sees and hears me.

My daughter, Katie, has been a conduit for God to teach me that I can trust Him. When I was in my third month of pregnancy with her, God gave me a dream. He revealed to me what my daughter looked like and I was nursing her. We did not know at that time that she was a girl. We did find out several months later what her gender was. After her birth, my milk did not come in right away. This brought on anxiousness as I did not want to use formula.

My daughter Katie.

Waiting causes such anguish within my soul. I get irritated when life plays out differently than my expectations. While having a temper tantrum in my soul, God reminded me of the dream six months prior. “Carol, trust me. What did I show you?” Eventually, my milk came in and all was well. God was teaching me, during the waiting, that what He shows me can be trusted. When He speaks, I can listen confidently and not doubt and that there is no need for anxiousness.

Fast forward four years when we moved from Oklahoma City to Jordan, Minnesota. Back in OKC, Katie was at a great pre-school. When enrolling my son at the elementary school, there wasn’t any openings in the pre-school. I was having to change my expectations amidst foreign surroundings. I was told that I would have to wait and see if an opening came. Waiting, such a nemesis for me. My mindset went back into the wrestling ring. I had to process out that God would provide our needs in our new home. And He did. She went to pre-school. Fast forward eighteen more years, Katie is now learning her own lessons on waiting as she finds her way in a career after college.

Katie and I are image-bearers to the King of Kings!

I wish I could say that God doesn’t have me in a season of waiting right now but He does. This has been a lengthy one, over 30 years and I continue to wait. Waiting this length of time is not for the faint-hearted. I can faithfully tell you that God has walked every step with me. He leads me forward. I won’t lie, I am tired of waiting. I know God is actively working but the wondering how things will play out gives me anxiety. Yet, I wait. Why? For there is nothing that deters God from loving me. There is nothing that will cause Him to look away for He is committed to me. And I must be that to those God has entrusted to me; until death do us part.

I choose to wait patiently for the LORD. I choose to be brave and courageous. Yes, I will wait patiently for the LORD. To live this way I have to tell my mind to zip-it in the name of Jesus, moment-by-moment I might add! I need to look up, at God. I have to send my feelings to the back burner and listen to truth. In the past three years, God has been preparing me for big changes. Blogging and publishing a book is a part of it. God has been speaking to me like He did back when I was pregnant. I must hold onto who He has been in my past, know that He is with me today and He is already in my tomorrows leading me home. While I only have today, I choose to be His image-bearer while I wait.

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